| ngayon ako, ay ganito |
[May. 12th, 2008|10:03 am] |
Sometimes the only time I feel really at ease is when I'm going the speed limit. I used to be all about lead foot. Go, go, go, get here, get there,
get, get, get. Well, gas is damned expensive. So when I absolutely must drive, I drive slow, homie. (Unless I'm really late, ha ha)
Slow down, go around.
Honk. Flash your highs. Call me names. I'll smile, wave. When zen hits you like this, you'd smile, too.
Stress melts, problems sorted.
No, I won't answer your call, I won't text you back.
The radio isn't even on sometimes
Easy livin'...
Then I park and open the door and the world rushes in, sigh.. Atleast I'll have a sanctuary to come back to.
Hm, finals this week. Should be studying. Summer school, too. Calc will be not so bad, Bio too (have to read read read read), CS might be way whack attack, Physics is down the drain, hope to atleast pass. Stressful stuff.
Time to go for a ride. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|12:44 pm] |
There are more than a couple people I'd like to just sit down with, cut all the bullshit and awkwardness and things holding us back from normal conversation, and say, "Hey, what's been up, how've you been?"
But some people are too proud.
Some are tired of me.
Some are hurt, I think.
Some avoid me.
I can live up to my mistakes, though. I do regret some things, but I can live up to them, I don't run away from those who've hurt me before.
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| Want to; Need to |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|08:59 am] |
I want to:
play music
play video games
paint
move my room around
buy shit
complain
be with her always
travel far away
read all my books
spend time with family
have fun with friends
quit
I need to:
do hw
catch up in classes
lose sleep
focus
spend less time with her
spend less time outside
stop being distracted
finish strong
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| Hello, Sun |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|01:26 pm] |
Maaan, I better make some big money going through all this. I'm thinking about switching majors to CIS, but I don't know. Maybe I'm being lazy. I can handle math and computer science and all that, but PHYSICS OMG.
Anyway, sun's coming over more often, so I better get my bike prep'd and all that. Even though I have school during the summer, me and the sun can still have a good time.
My goal this summer is to lose 40 pounds. Last summer, I actually went for the gusto and lost 30, but I gained it all back with school and stress. I want to see if I can do it. I'm shooting high so I can be motivated.
I will quit my job soon. |
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| Samsung T429 |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|12:40 pm] |
Honestly, I just got off to a bad start.
Honestly, I can't make an honest attempt.
Honestly, I've been lying.
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| Rush University Medical Center |
[Jan. 29th, 2008|05:06 pm] |
So where did I leave off? Yesterday, I was just waiting for breakfast.
I spent most of my time yesterday watching t.v. and trying to do homework. I think that hospital food isn't so bad. I like it. I especially like that you could set your watch to it, and it has to be healthy, somehow. Anyway, I lap up the food like whoa in hospitals.
So I almost had my first sponge bath. There was this nurse who offered, but she looked like she could be an aunt (which is bad news bears), so I had to compromise to let her wash my back, and convinced her that I was healthy enough to wash myself via the sink behind a curtain (even though there was a shower in the bathroom) while she "fixed my sheets". The staff at Advocate was pretty nice.
Because the hospital is not in my network, I had to wait for transport by ambulance in order to get to one that is covered by insurance. The transport team were like, you could tell were kind of jocks/army guys before. They had me rolling, because they were being themselves. "Yeh, the nurses at Rush are hot! Ask for a sponge bath there." and if there was a looker, one would say in a interesting/pseudo-masking tone, "Vahjayyjayyy". It was hilarious. I knocked out in the ambulance on the way.
The nurses here at rush are certainly younger. My aunt works here though, just not on the same floor. The staff seems more in a hurry, but it's alright. I'm all critiquing different aspects of hospitals now. Here in my room, I don't have a room mate, but the view from the window isn't as nice (you could see the skyline from the other one), the food tray that goes over your bed is fancier, the channels on tv here are not as good (because I can't watch ninja warrior), but the bathroom is bigger, etc etc.
Karl, Sam, and Tiffany tricked me into thinking they weren't coming by texting me all crazy, standing in the hallway of my door. I was gonna be really bummed, but they came in and I was all full of glow. They watched me eat/get more blood taken/get more inhalants/etc etc and then had to go because my mom got off of work at her hospital (which is next to this hospital) and visiting hours were over.
The night went okay. I kept requesting apple juice, I'm pretty sure I took every one on the floor. I can't get used to being woken up every four hours to take medicine that takes a long time to take (my "hookah for asthmatics") so I haven't got much sleep at all.
The wheezing is going down and I'm able to control it now, without IV drugs, or time consuming inhalants. On top of that, I'm orderded not to work or go to school until monday, so okay. I guess I can keep up, thanks to the interweb!
Since I'm being released tonight, I requested a big dinner that I'm waiting for. Sigh, I really had a good experience because I was just so grateful to be cared for, and just be able to relax by myself and whatnot. I'm really thankful for all the people who showed concerned and wished me well. Now, let the healing begin! |
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| Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|09:24 am] |
This for sure is a long one.
Did you know I was actually born in this hospital? I've been in and out of hospitals when i was much younger and a couple times recently, but I've only been born here. Sigh. There were so many other things I've been meaning to post about.
It started, I want to say about two weeks ago. Chicago always undergoes some great deep freeze, as you may or may not know. This deep freeze can happen anytime during the winter, with little to no real warning, with a duration that I guess I'll never figure out. The change in weather to cold and dry from whatever wreaks havoc on my situation with asthma. Usually, I catch it in time and just go to my doctor for meds to help me get by.
This time was different, as I'm working hard to not fuck up in school, and try to get more hours to pay for school, I'm sad to say that my health kind of took a backseat to those. So, yes, breathing is real difficult, since the air is constantly dry and cold. The windchill makes everything about ten degrees colder and worse for me. What happens is that my air ways begin to close up in order to keep whatever heat in. I bundled up but it didn't work out all that well.
So after the school week was over, I helped my tito Ponso move into a new house with my brother and dad. It was going alright until I got outside with the cargo. The stress of lifting plus that arctic Chicago wind caused gratuitous use of my rescue inhalors. The feeling is like running for three miles (marathon if you're a good runner) after smoking for a couple weeks before that instead of training. Ha, what a nerd. This usually keeps these flare ups under control.
After that, I go to Tiffany's house to cap the night with movies and pizza. The night is going well but I'm wheezing so so hard and my inhaler gives out, the second one in the last two weeks (which is real bad, since I'm only supposed to have one a month). So my bro brings my nebulizer, which is like hookah for asthmatics. You put medicine in and it makes a mist I can breath in. After that I go home and vomit (Did I mention when I'm sick my asthma flares? Guess what, I'm sick. Oh, fucking boy!).
I fell asleep around one and woke up around three as if I was drowning. I was breathing real hard, sweating, coughing, and wheezing. That's it, I thought, I can't catch my breath, it's time to get some help. I had to ask my mom, and I was embarrassed because she was pestering me to make an appointment all week, to get me an ambulance. I felt like falling down because it was so damn cold. Being nitpicky, the guy in there had no fucking idea what he was doing.
In the ER, Tests, giant nebulizers are done. My brother and dad follow. Im not wearing socks or a jacket. I think that what happened in the next six hours what happened were tests, monitoring, and a shitload of questions as I drifted in and out of sleep. It's finally decided that I need a room, so I finally get some food and some rest.
Around 1, my brother brings my backpack over for hw (nerd) and we watch tv (Ninja Warrior, since we don't have cable at home). Tiffany comes an hour later and Karl leaves because he's bored a little later. Spending the day with Tiffany was no different than our usual hang outs, we just really relish our time together, which makes it great since no one really bothered us, which is cool and the staff here is great.
I'm getting better but still a little wheezy. I have this one doctor who wants to transfer me to a hospital covered by our insurance (instead of going home), for two more days, though. Eff that though, I don't really have time. I will try to compromise for one more day, but that's it. I'm not about to fuck up my semester in the second week already. I'm focused. I need to shower/brush my teeth.
It's fucking weird having someone reconnecting your nodes (which are on my chest) in the middle of the night. |
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| Yeah, Bears lost, I'm Tired of Talking About It. |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|10:10 pm] |
I was just thinking back to Edwin and Gina's wedding, via Joe's Youtube channel, and was all filled with nostalgia and goody good feelings.
One thing that struck me was that before the ride there, there was a little *keff cough* bubbly and i was a little *cough keff* tipseh. I remember kneeling in the pews and looking to my right as a photographer snapped a picture, I was pretty out of it. I remember thinking, "Am I supposed to be struggling to stay awake, whispering about 'laying pipe', and wonderfully warm during a moment like this?"
I smiled because someone answered "I do" |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2007|09:55 pm] |
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still a bears fan, duh. |
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| Obvious Two Thousand and Six Reflections |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|04:57 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | hm, what what | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio - You've Got So Far To Go | ] |
Well, fuck. Oh six was one of those years that just really really makes me sigh because it was so great. Everything was so chill this year, so laid-back, and ready to go. It started out during my junior year and I had already decided that my resolution was to take it easy. Stress was a part of the year, but only if it was absolutely necessary.
I might've partied a bit much, drank more than what is healthy, kissed like a man whore, and danced until i was dizzy- but I think I grew a lot. I realize it's a little more than hard to itemize what actual "growing" I did, so I'll just give it a blanket generalization: I know myself a lot more. I'm alittle more secure with myself and my own decisions (esp as a libra, i guess) People who I thought were gods have so many flaws that I just couldn't ignore, showed me that I don't have to be what's expected of me. It's hard to deal with life sometimes, so some people will bitch and moan about it until someone gives them a pat on the back and tells them it's alright, which will never really solve anything unless you did something about it. I really wish I grew taller though, haha.
This year was a 'milestone' for me because not only did I grow, but I also became a legal adult. That is, I can charged as an adult. Being 18 is pretty overrated, though. All the things I would get slapped on the wrist for are now criminal. I guess that's part of the growing up I did, staying out of dire trouble.
Family. Oh, family. There are some who think family can do no wrong, and there are some who think they're all wrong. I would like to say I've found the midpoint this year as a person who thought the former. They're human, and make just as many mistakes as you do. Even though you may look up to some, they might be complete assholes and you would never really realize it! But that's family, we all hold special expectations and ideals about family, but they're just as fucked up (or not) as you may be, but you love them anyway, because they're all you have in the end.
I really don't want to place pressure on next year by putting giant expectations on it, just to hope for the best (defeating the purpose ultimately hahah!).
Two thousand and six will leave us at midnight, but will live in our journal entries, pictures, writings, drawings forever. It's been a great year! |
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| Rationalities, Reasons, Excuses |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|01:17 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | hm, random | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash - Legend | ] |
So, I was going to write about some other bullshit, but I've decided today after turning in some college applications, I realized I don't want to leave the state. Or Chicago for that matter. Someone asked me why, and while I thought I had the answer, I didn't. So I began to think more about this. Here's a brief, abbreviated list:
1) For one, here is where my roots are. I'm so comfortable here. COLD AS FUCK, but I'm a husky ass anyway. Some of my bestest friends haven't left yet.
2) I've never seen the whole city. And there's so much to see, trust me. I thought I saw it all, but coming home from the Illinois Institute of Technology, I realized there were so many places I haven't loitered around.
3) I have yet to do all of the LetterBoxing things in the city.
4) So many weirdos I haven't seen. I've met the weirdo on Western between Lawrence and Lincoln that sits on the fire-hydrant and is engulfed in pigeons, as well as Jean Le who dances for hours in Wicker Park when I do my laundry there. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
5) I'll save money. God knows I don't have much of that
6) I can take the train or bus anywhere.
7) I just built a room in the shop.
8) My brother needs someone to pick him up when he gets drunk later on in his high school life.
9) Just got my bedroom just the way I want it.
10) Now that I'm 18, I can go to all of those concerts I want to within walking distance.
11) I'm lazy and I love this city.
12) Haven't been to a Bears game.
13) Still want to go to see a play or two.
14) The further you go, the more places I'll have to visit. |
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| A Lowfat Creamy Blend of Starbucks Coffee and Milk |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|12:41 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | hm, struggles | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nick Drake - Bryter Layter | ] |
What keeps me moving is knowing that there's going to be a reward. What hinders movement are those questions tangent to it: But what kind of reward? How big? How much is it worth? Does it outweigh the struggle? Do I get it right away?
When is it okay to stray away from the prize from just a minute to smell the flowers? I don't understand the rush and anxious worry of this movement. It must be important if it has such high priority that it must be hurried, but in the same vein, it has to be a trick too quick to be pondered.
I get so tired up there, I become sloppy and undisciplined. What good am I then? No good, obviously. I've made the worst mistakes while half awake. It's from this lack of rest that I find that the struggle escapes me and leaves nothing but anger and frustration. But there has to be something there, something so completely worth this negligence/complete denial of replishment that in the end will realize before me. I can almost cry.
What keeps me moving is you. |
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| Is the word Serendipity? |
[Sep. 28th, 2006|10:41 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | fuck school, hm | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sufjan Stevens - Come on! Feel the Illinoise! | ] |
It's kind of like how in the history books, you see Europe, all desperate to find a path to Asia for those sweet, sweet Asian goods (and inventions). They learned and thought about the world and tried their damnedest to just get there. They thought they were so damn clever after awhile and knew just about everything there was to know about getting to Asia. It was all Europe that about. Then they decided maybe it'd be cool to see the edge of the world. Oh, maybe we can get to the Orientals this way? Probably not, but let's see-- because the Orient is on the mind! They wait, while still trying to figure out how the fuck to get to the damn chinks. And they wait. And they wait.
Then, from nowhere, Europe discovers that there's a new, exciting place. The possibilities are endless here. And they just kind of fuck up their priorities and say, "Ohh, shiit. The fuck are we supposed to do now?"
That's the spot I'm in right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2006|10:43 am] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAKVILLA KILLA THRILLA !!!!!
Happy birthday, cuz, party it up, keep in touch, dont ever change, have a kick ass summer, class of 03 forever (and so on) |
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| Late Night Doings |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|02:26 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | fuck school, hm | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Atmosphere - The Fun EP | ] |
Late nights at home mostly entail (in no particular order):
Watch whatever late night news/ talk shows,
finding a cool area to languish in,
craigslist,
think about doing homework,
facebook,
attempt to start painting by setting up but then doing something completely unrelated,
read away messages,
talk to Jino on aim about girl and give him bad terrible, terrible advice,
talk to Karl on aim about what we're gonna buy,
look for some new porn,
play guitar/make up crappy songs in the hotbox,
etc.
This summer is great. Summer school got old quick, but I'm half way done, and it keeps me out of trouble during the day. I'm giving up the car for real now. For the time being, anyway. Gas is too expensive, and well, too many goddamn bad drivers. I didn't have too much of a problem driving people around, but in this family, the car is nowhere near freedom it seems. Responsibilities like mad. Especially driving around my sisters, with all their overdramatic ass things. It was cool driving my brother especially. Mostly because we're tight like that, nahmean? Sorry if you don't really understand what that's like.
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| Independence Routine |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|05:20 pm] |
Well, I woke up about 4 hours ago, so it has to be summer, and I feel like blowing shit up- so it's either I'm drunk or it's Independence day. Pretty sure it's gonna be both as soon as Jason picks me and bro up. I'll have pictures, but as seeing as I don't have a host, I have no idea how how I'm going to let you all see it. Unless you have a facebook.
I'm gonna buy some ear plugs because last year I was deaf for a good 8 hours. Ah, I love it. Even though it's illegal in this state, it isn't in the bordering states. This year we went about two weeks ago to get our loot. Earlier the better as there are better sales and cops won't be waiting at the highway exits to confiscate your booty. It was me, bro, Joe, Jason's girlfriend (ugh) and Jason. we ended up dropping 150+. I'm going right now, actually
Damage report in a few. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, YOU SLACK JAWED FUCKS! |
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| Emphasis on the 'L' |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|01:48 pm] |
It gets alittle tricky balancing summer school with my summer doings. When I'm with friends, or doing what I really want to, time flies fast. When I realize I've wasted my time, I come home and "settle in" which consists of taking off various clothing pieces and being a lard ass. More time flies. Then I realize i have to homework, which I do, and it takes forever. I fall asleep late, and wake up early for school. The whole time in school I'm fucking around and whatnot and after that I go straight to were whatever's happening. Thus restarting the cycle. I'm managing fine enough for now. Nothing's gonna stop me from having a good time, you know? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|01:28 am] |
updates from the city of wind
-summer school sucks but is not hard
-summer break equals summer clothing, equals summer wood? wtf
-i hate driving
-i love biking
-and drinking
-pondering drinking and biking
-girls love my belly
-girls hate my belly
-waiting for cousins for wedding, who are all arriving and fucked times
-out of porno passwords
-etc.'s
okay, until the next! |
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| And Thus, Jell-o. |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|07:14 pm] |
On six, six, oh-six, at around 12:23 in the morning (or so). A friend of mine (Taco) took it upon himself to lead me and my friends to the lake, looking for the devil. For reasons that escape me. Maybe to make his girlfriend look like a girl in exchange for his soul. I was pretty tired. I fell asleep and woke up at the devil's hour (3 am) with a pile of sand on my chest. I saw figures in the distance, red glowing eyes. I freaked out and did my patented Liu Kang pose.
It was obviously just them with their stupid glow sticks coming to get me because the cops told them to get off the beach. Stupid kids.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals, but instead obsessed with Facebook. |
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